Download PDF by Simon Hoggart, Emily Monk: Don't Tell Mum: Hair-raising Messages Home from Gap-year

By Simon Hoggart, Emily Monk

ISBN-10: 178239480X

ISBN-13: 9781782394808

The e-mail house is an important a part of each gap-year traveller's trip. the place as soon as the inside track of narrowly surviving a bus crash at the dirt-roads of India, waking as much as gunfire in Honduras or warding off marriage proposals from whole strangers may have made it domestic in basic terms at the again of a slow-moving battered postcard, nowadays these tantalizing information and poor error at the moment are recorded instantly and dispensed liberally for each buddy and friend to wince at.

In Don't inform Mum, Simon Hoggart and Emily Monk have accrued jointly the funniest, such a lot surreal, such a lot alarming gap-year emails right into a treasure-trove of correspondence. observed by way of their depraved statement, Don't inform Mum offers the aspiring visitor the low-down on what to not do while trotting the globe.

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Extra info for Don't Tell Mum: Hair-raising Messages Home from Gap-year Travellers

Example text

It wasn’t even the fact that he decorated the White House with African lions and a bear he’d personally killed. Teddy Roosevelt was a badass of the people. Roosevelt received letters from army cavalrymen complaining about having to ride twenty-five miles a day for training and, in response, Teddy rode horseback for a hundred miles, from sunrise to sunset, at fifty-one years old, effectively rescinding anyone’s right to complain about anything, ever again. Did we mention he had asthma when growing up?

Or that the poison also has a pheromone cocktail in it that’ll call every hornet in the hive to come over and sting you until you are no longer alive? Also, it can fly fifty miles in a day. It’d be nice to say something reassuring at this point, like “Don’t worry, they only live on top of really tall mountains where nobody wants to live,” but no, they live all over the freaking place. They kill more people in Japan than all animals—venomous, nonvenomous, irradiated mutant—combined. At least forty people die that way every year, each of them horribly.

Somehow it limits their heart rates and makes the adrenaline surge needed for most violent actions nearly impossible. Of course, wearing pink doesn’t necessarily mean that you are affected by it. After all, if it’s on your body you’re less likely to see it yourself. But everybody else? Well, they have to see it every time they look at you. Do you realize what that means? Wearing pink doesn’t make you a wimp; it makes everybody around you a wimp. Technically speaking, that means the toughest guy in any given situation is the guy in the My Little Pony shirt.

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Don't Tell Mum: Hair-raising Messages Home from Gap-year Travellers by Simon Hoggart, Emily Monk

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