Download e-book for iPad: 5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether instructed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a distinct position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no higher time to have a good time the immortal one-liner. during this booklet, furnish Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and an entire lot extra.

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I was only young when I learned to count. It was odd at first, even then. I’ve noticed that if you’re scared of spiders they always turn up in your bedroom. Using that logic, I’m scared of blonde girls with big boobs. Self-service checkouts: making shoplifting ‘a mistake’ since 2008. I can’t wait for my daughter’s first birthday. She’s getting a PS3 with CoD and the night-vision goggles. Spoilt little bugger. ’ I was an hour late for work this morning. I apologised to the boss and promised to make up for it by leaving an hour early.

She recorded ITV3. I went to see the doctor to see if he had anything I could take for my kleptomania. Maybe it’s Maybelline… Or maybe it’s Photoshop. I hear the gay channel have dropped the soap awards tonight. My wife just said she left me four weeks ago because of how unobservant I am. All my life I’ve wanted to be somebody. It is now clear that I should have been more specific. While driving yesterday I saw a banner over the road saying ‘The Influence’. Then the police pulled me over for driving under it.

Now my chickens refuse to fight. My wife asked me if I’d put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire. Just given my nan a cream pie… And this proves that porn has damaged your mind forever. How do you torture a homosexual? Throw him into a bottomless pit. A man walks into a library and asks for a book about disappointing jokes. The librarian points him towards the book he is looking for. I don’t understand fast food. I’ve been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower. My wife said she’s going to leave me.

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

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